The first time you thought you were in love, you were certain from the start that it wouldn't last. You would always break up with him for the most shallow and absurd reasons because you didn't want to lose.
Love is a game you had to win and being the one who loves more is a fatal mistake.
Everyday he would beg you to open up and accept that you are loved. That the gestures aren't tricks to catch you off guard and that you deserve the flowers and praises.
Not accepting that you were loved was a result of your distrust. To accept his love fully means giving in. It meant dropping the sword and shield and trusting that no hard blow would follow.
Your first relationship taught you how to open up. You still believe that he saw you as someone else (which is partly your fault), but whoever he saw, he loved her with all his heart and that made you trust love.
The second time you fell in love, you felt wiser (more than you actually were). You were open and since you've experienced heartbreak, you learned that it's not so bad. You gave your whole heart.
The second time seemed familiar though. It's the same two hearts: one was open while the other was surrounded by high walls.
This time it wasn't your heart that was guarded.
It was the kind of love that teaches you to be understanding. It taught you how to love without conditions. You hoped that one day the walls would crumble and fall. Love was hard work anyway.
But he broke you. he deceived you and he crushed you.
Despite that you dusted yourself up, you kept your faith and you glued yourself clumsily together. "He will open up", you keep telling yourself. "Just give it your all".
One day he looked at you with pity in his eyes. It was the same look you gave the first guy you thought you loved. He said he felt sorry for you and that you deserve better.. that was the first time and the only time you've accepted it.
The second guy thought you how to let go. He made you appreciate the one who loved you before and taught you to love the right way.
You know how it feels like to be broken and deceived so you promised yourself that you'll never make the next person you love feel that way.
You learned that you're not wise. You learned that you're still learning. You learned that you can't force anyone to love you and loving doesn't always guarantee that you'll be loved in return (and to treasure it if by some lucky chance you are loved as much as you love).
One boring night when you least expect it, you'll meet him.
He's nice and funny. His sweetness will surprise you and his smiles will make you think that he's more of a boy than a man. Every night he will wrap his arms around you and shower you with kisses..and it will scare you, but in the mornings, despite your messy hair, morning breath and morning starts, he will kiss you and whisper you're beautiful to you ears and your own heart will tell you that this is right. It feels right.
His heart has walls too, but every now and then he'll leave his walls and be with you. When he has to go back you can't help but feel sad but despite that you'll say: "It's okay. You're walls don't scare me."
But it bothered you.. so you come up with an idea.
