I kissed the wrong frog

"Without open love and reciprocity, there would be no point in great personal investment."

I'm not mad, I'm hurt but not mad. He lied to my face the night he told me that the facebook "I miss you" message was sent a year ago when I know so well that he only just recently added that cosplay girl. That was the same night he was texting her while he was with me, and today I saw them together even though he told me that he wouldn't. I didn't want to listen to his lame excuses. He told me it was her who went to his school to see him, and how it's not his fault and that he even declined her request to accompany her to wherever the f*ck she wanted to go to, how would she even know he was there that time? He agreed to see her and if it weren't for the fact that I saw them and texted him as soon as I did, I doubt he'll decline her request.

I felt all my blood raise when I saw the two of them, I was so pissed and I didn't know why. The moment I saw her when we (Anne and I) left Jollibee, I had this gut feeling she was going to meet him. I decided not to follow her because I'm not that psycho, I continued on my way home ignoring the nagging psycho feeling. But life is cruel, while on my way home, I saw them, all smiles and everything and my blood boiled. It's not as if they were doing anything beyond friendly, but I don't know.. I was just pissed as hell. I felt betrayed. 

I don't want to argue or start a fight. I just want to forget about him and that girl and all the other girls he brags about, his girl friends and his ultimate crush. I know something's up and I'm not going to let myself be manipulated into a one-sided relationship anymore. He lied to my face a few times already and I ignored most of them for the sake of our relationship. I know deep inside that even though we're in a relationship, he's still trying to maintain his single image. Hidden relationship status and no sign of even having one, phone calls to-from girl friends, textmates, he kept adding girls on facebook and he told me I'm not allowed to read his facebook messages because I'll only get hurt. I'm not the jealous and controlling type, I knew my ex-boyfriends facebook account but never really opened it and I never read his phone messages. I wanted to trust him and I did, but he kept letting me down.

Maybe we don't and won't ever have the "connection". Maybe I won't ever be good enough for him. Maybe he's just enjoying life and I should just let him have his fun and go my own way because zeus knows I can't be in a relationship that's less than serious and head-over-heels-inlove type.

I don't want to become bitter. All I want is to be alone for the meantime. I don't want to look at what happened like a black and white picture because he did make me happy, and every now and then I did felt loved. But, I'm emotionally drained. I've been to a complicated breakup to a complicated relationship and I seriously need a break. 

It's all my fault actually, I ignored all the warning signs that screams incompatibility. I allowed the relationship to last longer than it should. He may not be the best boyfriend in the world but I wasn't my best either. I'm messed up on the inside and all my dramas ruined whatever potential we had. He's a wonderful-ish guy, but he's not right for me.

In all the relationships I've had though, this perhaps is the one where I grew the most as a person, and from what I've learned, part of growing up is deleting things and people who are bad for you, because not everyone in this world has your best interest at heart. He's not for me, not only because we're incompatible but because he always hurts me without even realizing it. We're not meant to be because we want different things, I may have some of the attributes he's looking for, but that doesn't cancel out our fundamental differences or stop him from flirting with other girls. We're not meant to be because he's not inlove with me. He hurts me in ways he won't understand because he's not as sensitive or as romantic as I am. Because to him everything is simple and I'm just being crazy. He always makes me feel insufficient and our relationship feels vague. I always have to stop myself from saying or doing things crazy-inlove people do because any display of genuine emotion seemed corny to him, I did my best to play it cool. It was a "sometimes happy - most of the time miserable" type of relationship.

I have to stop running around in circles trying to chase him, It's taken me a while but I finally learned to accept that we're not meant for each other - no amount of tolerance and compromises can change that.

I saw what I wanted to see and failed to see the obvious. In my head I thought: "So much could happen and we're only just beginning, so never mind that it's not living to my expectations.". But now I know better, I'll always find comfort in that. People can be crappy and we have to accept that. He may have hurt me but it's just the way he is and he didn't do it on purpose. If he preferred talking to other girls because they understand him better, I couldn't really hold that against him, I can understand that and by ending everything, I'm doing us both a favor.

I honestly wanted it to work, but there are things in life that you simply have to let go of. I have to let logic win over emotion. If I don't let go of someone who's wrong for me, I'll never find the right one. 

I want to put my life together before letting someone else in again, because that's the main goal.. to sort all your crap so you can love someone.

I'm at peace with what is over and I don't regret it because there's nothing to regret. <3

poem #1

And in my heart 

I suddenly knew

You love me not

and we're finally through

The curtains are drawn

and I could finally see

Your kisses were lies

And so were your smiles

My love was true

But all you did was make me blue

So goodbye old friend

My middle finger salutes you.


HMUS

Marla Miniano

“...falling in love and trying to make someone fall in love with you and working to stay in love and forcing yourself to fall out of love with someone who will never love you back is much, much more exhausting than being alone.” 

“When people say they don't want to get into a relationship, it should never be taken into face value because it is never really the whole truth. It is usually a vast collection of issues and fears and complications, forced to conceal one tiny hope lurking underneath it all: that someday, somebody will come along to discover, accept and understand and strengthen that feeble hope.”


“It's the little things she needs someone for, like someone to hold her hand at the end of a long day, or someone to watch stupid comedies with, or someone to curl up with on the couch on a lazy Sunday morning as she reads the newspaper and eats her cereal. Which probably means she doesn't 'need' someone in the strictest sense, although at the end of a long day, or while watching a stupid comedy, or on a lazy Sunday morning, having someone would be very much appreciated.” 

“Guys are so easy to drive out of your life, especially when their interest in you has mostly been sustained by your blind, naive, hopelessly hopeful interest in them.”  


“Sometimes, people just stop wanting to be with you, plain and simple. It happens. And it's always best to just leave it at that. It's always best to just let it all go.” 

'I guess I have been feeling for a while now and that it's strong and scary enough to make me want to run away, but also real and wonderful enough to make me want to stay."

“Our lives have intersected in more points that I can imagine, and I no longer know where he ends and where I begin.Our lives have intertwined in more ways that I can take in, and I don’t know how to go back to being myself anymore without being reminded of him- everything reminds me of him.”  


"I think, maybe, if you become so accustomed to not caring, it becomes your default solution to every problem and your default reaction to every situation. And maybe, if people become so accustomed to you not caring, they think you can just breeze through life and let things like these roll off your back."



"If they were truly happy, they would tell you they love each other. The "still" wouldn't be a part of the equation. because the 'still" represents a looming deadline. because the "still" means that although there is something left--remnants of love or respect or trust--it is rapidly, undeniably, diminishing."

'Two years from now, we will both be right where want to be. And i want to ask him these: If we had remained within each other's realities--if only we were strong and patient enough; If we tried a bit harder, stayed a bit longer, grew up a bit faster, blocked the pain off a bit better--when we finally got our ducks in a row, do you think it would've worked out between us?"

"..The guy who will understand that compliments and hugs are more important than flowers and chocolates. The guy who will not disappoint me when he promises to do something... the guy who will change everything without changing who I am. I need you to be this guy."

"I don't wanna be hurt, because I am, still, and the fact that you didn't do it on purpose doesn't cancel it out. I don't want to be in love with you anymore. Because I can deal with you being the one that got away--at least that was your choice, your responsibility. But I won't allow you to be the one who never left my mind because I never tried to forget."

"I know now why you left. It wasn't because of anything I said or did, or anything I didn't say or didn't do. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't yours, either. You left because I wasn't a part of your present, and that wasn't enough. You never saw me as anything else or anything more. You left because you could. And you're leaving beacuse you can."

"How many people find each other everyday? there are a thousand possibilities, a thousand ways that could've led her to someone. A thousand chances for her to meet a good guy, and to clear up some space for him in her life, and maybe fall in love with him."    

Breaking My Walls

"We are used to thinking that what we give is the same as what we receive, but people who love, expecting to be loved in return, are wasting their time. Love is an act of faith, not an exchange." - Paulo Coelho  

I should really stop writing about things that are way too personal and emotional. Nobody cares anyway. It's narcissistic and futile. But today is important for me, so please humor me.Today I told him I love him, it's not the first time, but for the first time, I was sure. 

I know things are hard now, but maybe, the reason why it's so hard and scary is because I want it to work so bad. I have huge responsibilities in my hands. I live for my goals and I've always took pride in that. But now, I'm letting someone in. I'm not sure how he would fit in the picture but I'll make it work, I'll make room for him. I'm not asking him to take it, but it's his if he wants to.

I don't have faith in forever, people change and in that process they may want different things and leave people behind. I love him now and that's all that matters. I won't limit myself just because it's not a "sure thing" and I don't want to stop myself from saying or doing things because of my pride. I will be as open as I can be and he's free to choose whether he wants to stay or go. 

He never say the things I want/expect to hear, but I can always trust his words and that's worth more than the sweetest sentiments in the world. I love his honesty and his free spirit. He's confident and he's proud of who he is, he never hides himself and there's nothing more admirable than that. He's one of the few people I respect. I love him because there's a lot more to him than meets the eye and he I've never met anyone like him.

I remember the nickname his friend gave him, "Jack" kasi jackpot daw sya sakin, but the truth is, I'm the lucky one, because not everyone has someone who can make them feel the way I feel right now. I'm not sure where this is going, but there's one thing I'm sure of, I'm rooting for us.I trust him. I trust him completely.

"Let your guard down; take a fall you'll never know if you're loved unless you give it your all."

Random scribbles

 "Expectation is the root of all heartache."

My emotions are cluttered and I can't sort them out. I can't express myself in the right way and his judgement isn't helping.

He always expects the worst in me and fails to see how sincere my feelings are.
He always follows his guts, Now I'm following mine.

The truth is, just because you love someone doesn't mean they're good for you.

I'm tired  of trying to explain myself to someone who won't even listen.

I'm tired of trying to rationalize everything just so I can trust him even though he doesn't trust me.

I'm tired of feeling bad about myself and trying to prove that I'm worthy of his love when he's not even worthy of mine.

 I know I need to grow, but do I really have to feel like shit in the process?

I admire him, but I don't like the way he makes me feel.

He makes me feel insecure.
He doesn't trust me.
He always puts me down.
He says he loves me, but doesn't act like he does.
He makes me feel guilty and depressed.

It's not even his fault. He's a free spirit, so I was pretty stupid for thinking that underneath everything, he truly does love me.</3

Paulo Coelho

"In order to hear Love’s words, you must allow Love to approach.
However, when it does draw near, we fear what it might say to us, because Love is free and is not ruled by our will or by what we do.
All lovers know this, but refuse to accept it. They think they can seduce Love through submission, power, beauty, wealth, tears and smiles.
True Love, however, is the love that seduces and will never allow itself to be seduced.
Love transforms, love heals.
We are used to thinking that what we give is the same as what we receive, but people who love, expecting to be loved in return, are wasting their time.
Love is an act of faith, not an exchange.
Contradictions are what make love grow. Conflicts are what allow love to remain by our side.
Life is too short for us to keep important words, for example, ‘I love you’, locked in our hearts."

 

- Paulo Coelho

HIMYM is love

“The future is scary, but you can’t just run back to the past because it’s familiar. It might be tempting, but it’s a mistake”

Cupidity

"Everyone’s got some baggage; it’s part of life. But like anything else, it’s easier when someone gives you a hand with it." – How I Met Your Mother

I blew it. Why am I such a mess? Why can’t I get it right? Whyyy? I’ve never been like this before. :(

My friends keep telling me that maybe, I should just let it go.. that it’s not meant to be. But, I don’t believe in that shit. Even though sometimes it feels like the universe is conspiring against our.. my happiness, I still believe that life is all about choices, and lately, I've been making a lot of wrong choices.

He told me that he didn’t love me anymore.. he never really did, but for a brief second, I felt it, I felt us. There were moments in this past few months when I felt like we could make it.. and I wanted it to work. I wanted it so bad. He’s perfect and that’s all I know. Then, just like always, it all went south and another heartache came upon as a result of my stupidity. Maybe I really am stupid. I’m naïve and immature. Why do I keep doing stupid things? Why do I keep making the wrong decisions? Whyyy?

When my ex and I broke up, I didn’t have the heart to delete our facebook photos, it was the only thing I had left. Somehow, it felt as if they’re the only thing that’s left of the happiness I once felt. I was happy, I was loved and I loved in return. But that’s over, it was a happy memory, one that I will never forget, like every other memory, may it be good or bad, it’s part of me. But, I’ve learn not to dwell on them and I didn’t even have to force myself, because the truth is.. I’m in love with someone else. Time pass and I’ve never even looked at them. I won’t say I forgot they exist, but I didn’t care anymore. They were just there. I moved on. I was ready to create happy memories with someone else.. but I blew it, all because I never bothered to delete those photos. 

I don’t know what I should feel right now. Most of the things he said were harsh but most of them are true. But he’s wrong. I don’t love my ex-boyfriend anymore. Maybe I do miss something, but it’s not the memories or him.. I miss the feeling.. the feeling of being loved.

He told me he didn’t care anymore, that I’ve got a lot of nerves and he doesn’t care if I stay or not.. and I believe him. He’s not like me. He can control his emotions and he thinks of himself above everyone else. He can bounce back as soon as he falls down.

I wish I could break the walls he surrounded himself with and I wish I could make all the doubts disappear. After a long time all my guards are finally down and I was willing to lay it all on the line for him, but timing's a bitch.

Maybe something's aren't meant to be, not because of some strange faith or destiny, life is all about choices, I will stand by that, but because of the sad truth that, just because you choose to be with someone and you're willing to take all the shits that comes with it, doesn't mean he'll do the same... it's doesn't mean he'll choose you.

I want him to stay, tell him that if he could bare with me through this, I'll be the best damn girlfriend there is, but I remember what he told me last night. Heartache is inevitable and I need to spare myself from that feeling, as of the moment. I have a lot of other things to worry about, and besides, I know the truth, he doesn't love me.

I still need a lot of growing up to do, and I’ll start right now…  I’ll let him go.

I won’t ask him to help me carry my baggage, not that I’ve ever asked him to. I have to do this alone. It’s not that heavy and it gets lighter and lighter every single day. As painful as it is to say, I need let him pass by. He deserves better and I deserve a timeout.

It’s another baggage added but I have faith that everything will be worth it in the end. I’ve learned a lot.  

Pictures deleted. Now, all I have to do is to refresh my life.

12:03

"I wish I could trade my heart for another liver – so I could drink more and care less" - Tina Fey

My Dark Clouds and I

I'm a little bit of everything, I'm a Popular Sanguine, a Powerful Choleric, a Peaceful Phlegmatic, but most of all I am a Perfect Melancholy.

My Classmate Suzzaine lend me this book: Personality Plus by Florence Littauer. I don't usually like self-help books, but this is fun to read and really interesting.

I'm a psychology student and I'm familiar with the Four Temperaments. Though, I really didn't pay too much attention during our class discussion about this topic last semester. It wouldn't make any difference if I did anyway.

The Four Personality

   1. The Popular Sanguine

    2. The Powerful Choleric

       3. The Perfect Melancholic

 4. Peaceful Phlegmatic

Sanguine - Pleasure-seeking and sociable

People with sanguine personality type has the basic desire of having fun. They can be described as someone who is adventurous, talkative, having good sense of humor, and someone who likes to express their thought. Sanguine type people are usually popular and well-known. In a party for instance, they can be seen as the life of the party.

People with this personality type are excellent at making initial contact with other people. They are also great at encouraging and uplifting others. They have the desire to ensure everyone is having fun. They can also be described as creative people. (hubpages.com)

Choleric - Ambitious and leader like

People with choleric personality have the basic desire of having control. They want to have control of most of the things around them. Choleric people can be described as someone who is loyal, likes to take charge of things and do things their way. They are fast thinking and tend to take on the leadership role. Choleric people are also better risk takers and they welcome challenges.

People with choleric personality are best at motivating people to action, instructing, and controlling job activities. They are typically viewed as a leadership person. (hubpages.com)

Phlegmatic - Relaxed and quiet

People with phlegmatic personality have the basic desire to have peace. Phlegmatic people can be described as someone who is calm, soft and cool. They are also friendly, well balanced and usually have many friends. Phlegmatic people are very good listeners.

Phlegmatic personality people are best at staying calm amidst chaos. They do not overreact to negative situation and tries to ensure everone is comfortable and satisfied. However, phlegmatic people can sometimes known to be undiciplined and are usually indecisive type. They are great for being support persons in a team. (hubpages.com)

Melancholic - Introvert and thoughtful

People with melancholy personality type have the basic desire to have perfection in their life. Melancholy people can be described as someone who is analytical, purposeful, sensitive and being serious. They can also be described as someone who likes to think. Melancholy people set high standards for things to be accomplished and they are well planned and very organized people.

In addition, they can also be seen as someone who likes to be in their own personal space and like quiet surrounding and typically hang out with a smaller group of friends.

Besides, they are also best at planning, setting long term goals and great at explaining details. They can usually work with figures pretty well too. Simply put, melancholy people are viewed as detailed people. (hubpage.com)

 ...............

The first part of the book is a test which allows you to find out your personality profile. According to this book I am a Perfect Melancholy and I agree. Like most melancholics, I'm easily depressed, I'm too sensitive and I'm a pessimists since birth. I'm also bashful, permissive, doubtful, timid and skeptical.

Perfect Melancholies are the soul, the mind, the spirit and the heart of humanity. They don't take things at face value, but digs into the inner truths. They see beneath the surface of life. -PP

Perfect Melancholies comes prepackaged with a pessimistic view of life. This trait is positive, because they are able to look ahead and see the problems other temperaments don't notice, but carried to an extreme they never seem to have a happy moment. -PP

Perfect Melancholy

Deep and thoughtful

Analytical

Serious and purposeful

Genius prone

Talented and creative

Artistic and musical

Appreciative of beauty

Sensitive to others

Self-sacrificing

Conscientious

Idealistic

Seeks ideal mate

I really enjoyed reading this book. If you want to understand yourself and those around you better, then you should try this out. It's useful and provides great insights on different personalities. I do believe that this will indeed bring "lasting changes" as it claims. It will help you improve your relationships with other people and create a better "you". 

This Book Contains Five Parts:

I. Personality Profile: A Quick Method of Self-Examination

II. Personality Potential: A look at Our Individual Assets

III. Personality Plan: A Way to Overcome Personal Weaknesses

IV. Personality Principles: A path to Improve Relations with Others

V. Personality Power:  A Source of Strength to Achieve Our Potentials

Here are few things that I learned from this book:

  

• No one likes gloomy people. Even if you have every reason to hang yourself, no one wants to hear about it.
• Don't take everything too personally.
• Learn to evaluate others by their set of temperament traits and not by your own.
• Don't get hurt so easily.
• Look for positives.
• Because of inborn negative inclinations, Perfect melancholies focus their judgement most harshly upon themselves.
• Perfect Melancholies have the greatest potential for success. Don't be your own worst enemy.
• Don't put unrealistic demands on others.
• Keep advice until asked.
• Accentuate the positives. Eliminate the negatives.
• Listen for Evidence of "False Humility" 
• Practice Patience

 

Quotes:

"Is your life full of difficulties and temptaions? Then be happy, for when the way is rough, your patience has a chance to grow."

"Some people build their walls so thick no one ever gets to know the real person inside."

"Anyone who loves knowledge wants to be told when he is wrong. It is stupid to hate being corrected."

"Kind words are like honey -- enjoyable and healthy."

"To learn, you must want to be taught.."

11:31

Oh Love, Why are you such  a distraction?

In a perfect world where I'm a heartless, my thesis would be done by now.

Falling for a stubborn sob is a pain in the ass. I hate that he doesn't know how to say he's sorry. I hate that he's always right and that he's too manipulative and headstrong. I loathe his nonchalant attitude, but most of all, I hate that I still find him amazing. What kind of spell is this? I need to concentrate and focus, but how can I when he always keeps me hanging with his disappearing acts. Maybe he's giving me the taste of my own medicine. Grrr.. damn that guy!

I need to get my life back in order. I need to be the responsible student I used to be before college started to complicate my life. I have to stop being such a drama queen and be the queen of my emotions. I need to learn to be in control.

Thesis Break

  The Witch of Portobello

How do we find the courage to always be true to ourselves—even if we are unsure of whom we are?

After reading Veronika Decides to Die and By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept, I wanted to read more novels by Paulo Coelho. I've been searching for this book for over a month now and it's a good thing I wasn't able to find a copy because you can actually download this book for free. Yey! Yeah I know, stupid me. I should've looked for free ebooks online first, but I'm not a fan of ebooks. 

Pandayan bookstore sucks! It's not a bookstore, it should be Pandayan school supplies.

Anyway, I was so excited to read this even though it's a pdf file. 

However, I did not like it as much as I thought I would. It's not bad.... it's okey. It's just that some parts were really creepy and too weird for my taste. The use of various narrator was clever but their perspectives didn't feel different --- I don't know if it's just me but they really didn't.

I'm not sure how I feel about this book. It really had me thinking about a lot of things in my life. There were a lot of points to ponder on, but somehow there's something missing (a plot?) and I didn't like the mystery of the interviewer (lame). I am somewhat disappointed. Like most people, I find this book too preachy, although it does contain really enlightening ideas. 

I want to love this book, but I don't. -- BUT I don't hate it and I'm still a fan of Paulo Coelho.

I'm giving this a 3.5 out of 5.

You can download this novel here for free: http://zelalemkibret.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/witch-of-portobello.pdf


Quotes from The Witch of Portobello:

• “After all, what is happiness? Love, they tell me. But love doesn't bring and never has brought happiness. On the contrary, it's a constant state of anxiety, a battlefield; it's sleepless nights, asking ourselves all the time if we're doing the right thing. Real love is composed of ecstasy and agony.” 

• "Music isn’t just something that comforts or distracts us, it goes beyond that – it’s an ideology. You can judge people by the kind of music they listen to."

• ‘What is a teacher? I’ll tell you: it isn’t someone who teaches something, but someone who inspires the student to give of her best in order to discover what she already knows.’

• "Writing reveals the personality"

• ‘Elegance isn’t a superficial thing; it’s the way mankind has found to honor life and work. That’s why, when you feel uncomfortable in that position, you mustn’t think that it’s false or artificial: it’s real and true precisely because it’s difficult.

• “No one can manipulate anyone else. In any relationship, both parties know what they're doing. even if one complains later on that they were used.” 

• "Poverty might bring unhappiness, but money won’t necessarily bring happiness."

• "Pity those who seek for shepherds, instead of longing for freedom!"

“Women always identify with one of the four classic archetypes:
The Virgin, whose search springs from her complete independence, and everything she learns is a fruit of her ability to face challenges alone.
The martyr finds her way to self-knowledge through pain, surrender and suffering.
The Saint, find her true reason for living in unconditional love and her ability to give without her asking anything in return.
The witch justifies her existence by going in search of complete and limitless pleasure.”

• “You are what you believe yourself to be” 

• "Don’t allow your wounds to turn you into a person you are not."

• “all my life I've learned to suffer in silence ” 

• “For me,love fills everything. It cannot be desired because it is and end in itself. It cannot betray because it has nothing to do with possession. It cannot be held prisoner because it is a river and will overflow its banks. Anyone who tries to imprison will cut off the spring that feeds it, and the trapped water will grow stagnant and rank.”

• “Love simply is.”

• “Don’t let yourself be weighed down by what other people think”

• “Love is not a habit, a commitment, or a debt. It isn’t what romantic songs tell us it is -love simply is. No definitions. Love and don’t ask too many questions. Just love.”

• “Let go of the idea that the path will lead you to your goal. The truth is that with each step we take, we arrive.”

• “Don’t be alone in the search, because if you take a wrong step, you’ll have no one there to help you.”

• “If we slow down, everything lasts much longer.”

• “I don’t see any reason why I should look for someone who never took the trouble to love me.” 

• “How many of us will be saved the pain of seeing the most important things in our lives disappearing from one moment to the next? I don’t just mean people, but our ideas and dreams too: We might survive a day, a week, a few years, but we’re all condemned to lose. Our body remains alive, yet sooner or later our soul will receive the mortal blow. The perfect crime - for we don’t know who murdered our joy, what their motives were, or where the guilty parties are to be found…they too are the victims of the reality they created.”

• “Love is a constant state of anxiety, a battlefield; it’s sleepless nights, asking ourselves all the time if we’re doing the right thing. Real love is composed of ecstasy and agony.”

• “A life that I had chosen in the belief that love conquers all. And it isn’t true. Sometimes loves carries us into the abys, taking with us -to make matters worse- the people we love”

• “Because we are not meant for solitude, and we only know ourselves when we see ourselves in the eyes of others.”

• “They say that extroverts are unhappier than introverts and have to compensate for this by constantly proving to themselves how happy and contented and at ease with life they are.”

• “And the best way to know who we are is often to find out how others see us. This doesn’t mean that we should do what others expect us to do, but it helps us to understand ourselves better”

• “The romanticism of youth demands that we always take very radical stances.”

• “When we try to free ourselves, we turn on a light inside us and we see the cobwebs, the cowardice, the meanness… it usually succeeds, and we run back to what we were… however, some do survive this encounter, saying yes, I have a few faults, but I’m good enough, and I want to go forward.”

• “If there is any possible consolation in the tragedy of losing someone we love very much, it’s the necessary hope that perhaps it was for the best.”

• "People learn twenty-five percent from their teacher, twenty-five percent from listening to themselves, twenty-five percent from their friends, and twenty-five percent from time."

• “The established religions no longer ask fundamental questions about our identity and our reason for living. Instead, they concentrate purely on a series of dogmas and rules concerned only with fitting in with a particular social and political organization. People in search of real spirituality are, therefore, setting off in new directions, and that inevitably means a return to the past and to primitive religions, before those religions were contaminated by the structures of power.”

• “The new paganism shows that man is capable of living without an institutionalized religion, while still continuing he spiritual search in order to justify his existence."

• “People think that a woman’s only dream is to get married and have children. And given what I’ve told you, you probably think that I’ve suffered a lot in life. It’s not true and besides, I’ve been there already. I’ve known other men who wanted to ‘protect’ me from all those tragedies. What they forget is that from Ancient Greece on, the people who returned from battle were either dead on their shields or stronger, despite or because of their scars. It’s better that way: I’ve lived on a battlefield since I was born, but I’m still alive and I don’t need anyone to protect me.”

• “I’ve noticed that loneliness gets stronger when we try to face it down but gets weaker when we simply ignore it.”

• “I applauded when reason lost the battle, and all I could do was surrender and accept that I was in love.”

• “What you give, you will receive, although it might sometimes come from the place you least expect.”

• "I saw that everything really was written there before me, and that the doors had only been closed before because I hadn't realized that I was the one person in the world with the authority to open them."

"Does he love me?"
...
"You're asking the wrong question.  What you need to know is are you in a position to give him the love he needs.  And whatever happens or doesn't happen will be equally gratifying.  Knowing that you are capable of love is enough.  If it isn't him, it will be someone else.  You've discovered a wellspring; simply allow it to flow and it will fill your world.  Don't try to keep a safe distance so as to see what happens.  Don't wait to be certain before you take a step."

• "Happiness: there are a series of rules, and if you fail to follow them, your conscious mind will refuse to accept the idea that you're happy."

• “Knowing that you are capable of love is enough. If it isn’t him, it will be someone else.”